Labour bids to woo voters by slagging off Winston Churchill. Corbyn then goes on to attack the Andrex Puppy

Labour bids to woo voters by slagging off Winston Churchill. Corbyn then goes on to attack the Andrex Puppy

February 15, 2019

The public statement was part of a long-term strategy by Labour to charm the public for voting for them by striking a populist note when talking about well-known public figures. This may explain Diane Abbott’s recent attack on Sir David Attenborough, calling him a “boring old white man, always trying to ‘mansplain’ climate change and plastic pollution in his posh privately-educated voice”.

'Bergerac' reboot to reflect post-Brexit world. With Jersey overrun by 'economic migrants' fleeing a post-apocalyptic UK

‘Bergerac’ reboot to reflect post-Brexit world. With Jersey overrun by ‘economic migrants’ fleeing a post-apocalyptic UK.

February 8, 2019

The first episode will feature John Bergerac investigating the drowning of 50 desperate British migrants trying to sail from Plymouth to Jersey to claim asylum. He will face a dilemma when he discovers Nigel Farage and Boris Johnson have been hiding out on the Channel Island to escape the wrath of the British public. Should he expose their location to the world or accept a £5m bribe to keep schtum?

Viewing figures plummet for TV favourite ‘Brexit’ as viewers complain of ‘pointless characters’ and ‘overcomplicated plots’.

January 29, 2019

There’s been a huge drop-off in viewing figures, with many fans of the show claiming it has become “over-complicated” and “too clever for its own good”. Last week’s episode featured 48 minutes of politicians from all parties coming up with amendments to the withdrawal agreement, designed to reshape future negotiations with the EU. It was a massive turn-off for viewers with only 1.4m tuning in for the episode – way below the 50m who saw the show’s peak on 24 June 2016.

Queen calls for people to respect each other and find common ground. Especially Meghan and Kate.

January 25, 2019

The Queen has called on people to find “common ground” and respect “different points of view”. The remarks, given during a speech to mark 100 years of Sandringham Women’s Institute, have been interpreted by many as referring to Brexit. However, royal insiders have told us the exasperated monarch was more likely to be making a subtle reference to Kate and Meghan’s mutual loathing..

Real Madrid named as world’s richest club. Still woefully lonely. Literally no one wants to be their friend.

January 24, 2019

“I just don’t understand it,” said Pérez. “You would think football fans would love that we pay way over the odds for the top players after every major international tournament. “Plus we have some of the most likeable footballers in the world – included the talented but humble Cristiano Ronaldo to the loveable Sergio Ramos – and sack our manager at the end of every season if we don’t win a ton of trophies.