Digger driver ploughs through hotel and causes £500,000 of damage. Seriously Philip – you need to just hand in that licence and stop…!

January 23, 2019

Video footage of the vehicle rampaging through the newly built Travelodge in Liverpool has gone viral. It’s been estimated that up to £500,000 worth of damage was caused. “Half a mill? That’s outrageous,” spluttered the astonished prince. “The women in the last smash up just asked for a bunch of flowers and an apology. I didn’t give it to them of course.”

Rowdy MPs ordered to stop drinking in offices. They're disturbing colleagues having quiet, dignified orgies next door 2

Rowdy MPs ordered to stop drinking in offices. They’re disturbing colleagues having quiet, dignified orgies next door.

January 8, 2019

“On Monday night that lot across the corridor were at it until the small hours, laughing and shouting, the racket absolutely ruined my concentration” said one  distraught orgy-goer, who wished to remain anonymous. “Not only did I lose ‘focus’, so to speak, I forgot to charge up my electric cattle prod. I was blushing with embarrassment the rest of the night. Although luckily no one could tell through my leather-daddy gimp mask”

House Of Commons will definitely decide fate of Brexit Deal on January 15. Well, probably definitely... you know, unless we don't. copy

House Of Commons will definitely decide fate of Brexit Deal on January 15. “Well, probably definitely… you know, unless we don’t”.

January 7, 2019

The House of Commons’ vote was abruptly postponed last month after it became clear the Prime Minister was staring down the barrel of a heavy defeat. “But it really is definitely definitely going to happen this time. No ifs, buts or maybes, cross my heart and hope to die,” confirmed a Government source with crossed fingers.