“We used to do it to Wrong ‘Uns when I was a lad and it worked perfectly well then. I don’t see why it can’t be a complete success now, just because we have entered the 20th century, I mean the 21st century.”
“White Gold is a show about a group of hapless chancers desperately trying to flog a rubbish version of double glazing to a largely unconvinced public, and whatever happens they absolutely won’t take no for an answer. We felt this was a brilliant analogy for Theresa May in her increasingly desperate attempts to get a Brexit deal over the line.”
“I put the envelope under my seat for safe keeping. Then I told the driver I wouldn’t be more than 10 minutes and ordered him to wait,” Mr Grayling said. “You can imagine the sense of outrage I felt on coming out of the store half an hour later to find the bus had gone. That driver, what a fool. This is all his fault.”
Brexit supporters are furious that Honda is planning to close its factory in Swindon. Quantity surveyor Harry Smythe, aged 52…
“For anti-hijack driving we can go on the dodgems at Adventure Island in Southend, sniper training will be at the cork shooting stall in Billericay fun fair and we’ll use Colchester boating lake to practise amphibious assaults,” she said. “As for unarmed combat that’s easy, Romford High Street on Saturday night.”
According to the MoD, the UK could also purchase and adapt cargo transporters or ferries with existing hulls to create the new vessels. “I was speaking to my mate Chris Grayling a couple of weeks ago and he’s found this brilliant company that can get hold of ferries dead cheap. It’ll be no problem,” explained Mr Williamson.
Holly Willoughby wept tears of undiluted happiness when she was presented with a basket of puppies as a surprise early…