Video footage of the vehicle rampaging through the newly built Travelodge in Liverpool has gone viral. It’s been estimated that up to £500,000 worth of damage was caused. “Half a mill? That’s outrageous,” spluttered the astonished prince. “The women in the last smash up just asked for a bunch of flowers and an apology. I didn’t give it to them of course.”
Generations of astronomers have repeatedly tried to rubbish the theory and dismiss it as ‘an old wives’ tale’. However last night (Sunday) boffins finally had to admit it was true when two seismic events took place on the same day – a blood red eclipse fell across the moon and Gemma Collins somehow managed to stay in Dancing On Ice.
“On Monday night that lot across the corridor were at it until the small hours, laughing and shouting, the racket absolutely ruined my concentration” said one distraught orgy-goer, who wished to remain anonymous. “Not only did I lose ‘focus’, so to speak, I forgot to charge up my electric cattle prod. I was blushing with embarrassment the rest of the night. Although luckily no one could tell through my leather-daddy gimp mask”
The House of Commons’ vote was abruptly postponed last month after it became clear the Prime Minister was staring down the barrel of a heavy defeat. “But it really is definitely definitely going to happen this time. No ifs, buts or maybes, cross my heart and hope to die,” confirmed a Government source with crossed fingers.