Sir Tim Berners-Lee has launched the Contract for the Web, a set of principles designed to “fix” the internet and prevent us from sliding into a “digital dystopia”.
Nearest cab firm rushes to pick up cancelled Uber contract
November 26, 2019Uber has lost its licence to operate in London after repeated safety failures. The nearest cab firm has rushed to pick up Uber’s cancelled private hire licence for London.
Donald Trump offers to advise Prince Andrew on how to talk to US investigators
November 22, 2019Prince Andrew has been urged to put himself forward for interview by US investigators who are looking into allegations against…
Vladimir Putin offered peerage for relentless and continuing assistance with Brexit
November 17, 2019Boris Johnson is facing a police inquiry into allegations of electoral fraud following claims that the Tories offered senior Brexit Party figures, such as Nigel Farage, peerages in a bid to persuade them not to run in the general election. However, 70’s Bond villain and president of the new USSR, Vladimir Putin, has allegedly been offered a peerage to continue his sterling work helping with Brexit.
Chris Grayling offered peerage to just stop fucking things up
November 17, 2019Nigel Farage has suggested he was offered a peerage simply for stepping his Brexit Party back at the upcoming election. The news was swiftly followed by reports that Norman Wisdom of politics, Chris Grayling, has also been offered a peerage by the Conservative party if he just ‘stops attempting to do anything at all’.
Tories eschewing actual policies in favour of loudly shouting ‘Labour will destroy the economy!’
November 14, 2019Labour have announced they will spend more on the NHS than the Tories if they come to power. The Conservative Party have retorted by deciding that there is no point giving the British public any actual policies, in favour of screaming ‘Labour will destroy the economy!’ in citizens’ faces instead.
‘Once-in-a-generation’ opportunity to vote for a 4th ‘once-in-a-generation’ opportunity for UK in last 5 years
November 1, 2019The UK has a ‘once-in-a-generation’ opportunity to vote for a fourth ‘once-in-a-generation’ opportunity to transform the country in five years, says the allotment owner and part-time Leader of the Opposition Jeremy Corbyn.
Fortnite gamers forced to watch Strictly to get their fix of dance moves
October 15, 2019Season 10 of Fortnite has ended, with the entire map sucked into a black hole. 250 million hardcore gamers are now being forced to watch Strictly Come Dancing in order to get their fix of bustin’ dance moves.
ERG keen to introduce same-sex Cabinet
October 11, 2019Dancing On Ice will beat rival show Strictly Come Dancing to featuring a same-sex couple on the show. Not to be outdone, the Conservative Party’s European Research Group has plans to introduce an entirely same-sex Cabinet.
Dominic Cummings favourite to win Nobel Peace Prize
October 10, 2019Though Cummings has not yet killed anyone – a historic requirement of winning the prize – his tenacity in ensuring millions of poor people suffer long into the future is seen as just as impressive, if not better, to the Nobel panel.
