The boss retires after 6 years, having accumulated 10 times more non-bonus salary than the average shop floor employee will earn in their entire lives. It’s only fair really. Mr Coupe has done so much for the shop floor staff it’s untrue.
Coronavirus allowed to enter UK after passing Australian style, points-based system
January 23, 2020The UK is monitoring flights from China, as a precautionary measures after the spread of a new coronavirus from Wuhan. However, the coronavirus will be allowed to enter the UK after it qualified by passing an Australian style, points-based system for foreign entities.
Harry changes Prince part of his name to a weird symbol
January 21, 2020Buckingham Palace has announced that Prince Harry and Meghan will no longer use their HRH titles nor receive public funds for royal duties. Harry has replaced the word ‘Prince’ with just some weird symbol.
“No female Bond” say Producers, as “52% of the UK would call her a drunk slag”
January 17, 2020Bond fan, Gammon and Twitter misogyny enforcer, Barabus Valentine, 52, said, “ A woman who drinks excessively, then drives under the influence before sleeping around that much is nothing but an irresponsible slut. “She probably wouldn’t be a very good spy anyway, as she’d be in the chemist every single day getting morning after pills.”
Entire US government resigns as Vladimir Putin plans future
January 17, 2020Russia’s government has resigned, hours after President Vladimir Putin proposed sweeping constitutional changes that could prolong his stay in power. Also, the entire US government has resigned, hours after President Vladimir Putin proposed sweeping constitutional changes that could prolong his stay in power.
Nefarious clowns holding power drills, axes and hammers revealed to be Boeing employees going to night shift
January 11, 2020Historic internal emails have surfaced at aeroplane manufacturer Boeing describing the company’s 737Max aircraft as ‘designed by clowns’ It turns out this was a literal description as the company attempted to help out clowns who are struggling in an ailing industry.
Daily Mail ready to turn country against new Labour leader for once having Heinz beans rather than supermarket own brand
January 10, 2020Veteran Labour MP Barry Gardiner is considering running for the party’s leadership, joining a race that includes Emily Thornberry, Sir Keir Starmer, Rebecca Long-Bailey, Jess Phillips, Lisa Tandy and Clive Lewis.
Queen announces she’s stepping back from Royal duties as her family and her government are all a bunch of enormous bellends
January 10, 2020The Duke and Duchess of Sussex have announced they are to step back from all senior royal duties. After yet another crisis, The Queen has also announced she is stepping back from Royal duties because, frankly, she doesn’t have to deal with all this shit at her age.
Prince Phillip ‘extremely proud’ of granddaughter Zara as she’s banned from driving
January 9, 2020Queen’s granddaughter Zara Tindall has been banned from driving for six months after being caught speeding. Racing driving and automobilic liability the Duke of Edinburgh sent her a ‘Congratulations!’ card, saying he could not be more proud of her.
Tories sell off National Elf Service to American Giftcare Supplier
December 22, 2019The Conservative Party keep repeating their mantra that the National Health Service is safe and will never be sold off. However, they have already reneged on their promise that Santa Claus is safe and have already sold off his entire workforce to a private American Giftcare Supplier.
