Boris Johnson has won the first round of the Tory leadership contest after getting 114 votes. It transpires he’s won the votes by offering MPs a role in his upcoming administration. And, when he does become PM, 114 different people have been promised the role of Chancellor.
Other aspirational mannequins being introducing are a mannequin covered in cold, hard cash for those hoping to win the lottery, a geriatric mannequin waving its fist at the BBC and a mannequin flipping the double bird to the general public, which is the aspiration of every high street store’s Executive Board.
The Conservatives have agreed changes designed to speed up the contest to succeed Theresa May as leader. Early suggestions for the qualifying criteria ranged from having to submit tax returns – which no Tory MP has done… ever, all the way to disdain for the poor – but that didn’t narrow it down to anyone.
Tony Blair’s former spin doctor Alastair Campbell says he has been expelled from the Labour Party after voting for the Liberal Democrats in the European elections. The Labour Party will now expel every single one of its members after it was found that all of them had voted LibDem in the EU elections last week.