The monolithic project has been badly affected by sudden and unexpected amounts of incompetence since the 23rd July. It is showing serious signs of wear and tear and could give way at any time.
Cards include: “Get out of jail free. If you’re rich. Otherwise, life imprisonment regardless of how many doubles you throw.”, “You have won 2nd prize in a beauty contest. Loser. 2nd is NOTHING! Lose all your money on reconstructive facial surgery.” and “You have won a Cross Word competition. Because you are a Leave voter. Well done.”
Theresa May boogied away at the Henley festival, showing her famously awkward dance moves to Abba hits ‘Dancing Queen’ and ‘Mamma Mia’ Later on however, she came into her own, blowing everyone away with her mind-blowing grime moves. Young persons then whoop and cheered as she stripped down to her bikini, amazing everyone with her twerking and podium work.
Conjoined twin girls who were joined at the head have been separated in ground-breaking surgery at Great Ormond Street Hospital. Medical Science will now perform miraculous new surgery to conjoin President Donald Trump and PM-elect Boris Johnson to see if a single entity makes any more sense than the nonsensical constituent parts.
Ms Pelosi described Mr Trump’s tweets as “xenophobic” after he told Democratic congresswomen to “go back” to where “they originally came from. They immediately returned to Detroit, Michigan; Chicago, Illinois and the Bronx, New York; 12 miles from where Mr Trump was born back in times of segregation.