The victim of the car crash that saw Prince Philip overturn his Land Rover has suggested he should be prosecuted. Instead the BBC have taken the rather obvious step of making him the lead presenter of ‘Top Gear’. Creakingly old, inherently bigoted and being entirely funded by the public, this cheap reversal gag could apply to either the Queen’s husband or Top Gear.
“These are great, great days for American crisis manufacturing” said the Trumpster. “Of course, I am at the heart of this rise in crisis manufacturing and am very proud to have made true on my promise to have American crisis…es… es… es..? … 100% made by American people. i.e. me. Just me. No-one else.”
The biggest selling physical CD of the year was That’s What I Call Music 101! Which sounds like a beginner’s course in the popular Various Artists compilations. Shrinking shelf space in supermarkets contributed to the slowdown. That, and there’s less tall people to ask you to get the CDs off the higher shelves.
All the government needs to do is privatise the Brexit process, and hand the contract to Southern Rail – who’ve been expertly cancelling anything and everything in sight for years. The franchise’s commuters, who are increasingly taking both a tent and canned goods on their trips to work, have unanimously backed the suggestion – insisting that Southern Rail really are experts in such matters.