The World Anti-Doping Agency has voted unanimously to ban Russia from international sport for four years for doping offences. However, it is understood Russia is hoping to overturn the ban by presenting the country’s most famous sports celebrity, Ivan Drago, as a test case for how clean their athletes are.
In the wake of scathing remarks directed at Jeremy Corbyn by Britain’s Chief Rabbi in regards to discrimination, Corbyn assured voters anti-semitism had no place in the Labour party. However, Boris Johnson sought to take advantage of the situation by drinking port and loudly announcing “Some of my best friends are Pickanninys!”
Last night, Boris Johnson sent an unsigned photocopy requesting a Brexit extension to comply with the Benn act. He also sent a second letter urging Donald Tusk to reject the request. Following this Machiavellian political manoeuver, Johnson revealed a further bombshell for the E.U negotiators. At the time of agreeing to pay the £39 billion divorce bill, he’d had his fingers crossed -the entire time- voiding the legality of any future demand for payment.
Disaster struck the Prime Minister’s Bentley on route to the meeting as it struck one of the North West’s 3.3 billion unfixed potholes. The car required towing to local mechanics ‘John Timms Motors and Repairs’ where Boris Johnson and Dominic Cummings are now believed to be hammering out a competitive deal.