“I’ve had to deal with some very hurtful rumours. People have called me a nonce, a letch, a kiddie-fiddler, a pedo and sweaty.” The mystery royal continued “It’s just a symptom of how we don’t associate people in the public eye with having feelings.”
Health authorities across the country have advised the best way to prevent the spread of Coronavirus is to wash your hands diligently. However, Wetherspoons regular and unemployed derelict John Timms said “Look, me mam told me to wash my hands after going to the toilet. I didn’t listen to her. Just like I haven’t listened to any woman for the last 40 years.”
When quizzed about the spread of the Coronavirus, the beleaguered prime minister was quoted as saying “If I can’t catch…
Health secretary Matt Hancock has suggested that landmark NHS targets could be scrapped following the health service’s worst A&E waiting times since records began. Following the announcement, it is understood the NHS undertook a hit on the health secretary to remind the public at large why targets are so important.