Controversial Number 10 advisor Andrew Sabisky had previously suggested clear intellectual differences between racial groups and advocated preventing poor people from having children.
“Look, I was only Leave to further my career” says Boris – offering olive branch to Remain supporters
February 4, 2020Sensing that Britain was still, somehow, a divided nation in spite of leaving the E.U last Friday. Boris Johnson attempted to build bridges with remain voters by admitting he only lied repeatedly and doubled back on his 2013 remain position in order to further his own career.
Tories relieved “Comrade Corbyn” lost as Boris announces rail nationalisation and 5g with Communist China
January 31, 2020The north of England’s largest rail commuter service has been taken back into public ownership after years of poor performance. The transport secretary claimed “people had lost trust in the rail network”.
Boris revealed as unlikely champion of the super-rich in plan to shaft poorest councils out of £300 million
January 27, 2020A reallocation of council funding could redirect hundreds of millions of pounds from so-called left-behind communities in the north of England to the leafy southern shires
Matt Hancock scrapped after NHS snipers hit target
January 18, 2020Health secretary Matt Hancock has suggested that landmark NHS targets could be scrapped following the health service’s worst A&E waiting times since records began. Following the announcement, it is understood the NHS undertook a hit on the health secretary to remind the public at large why targets are so important.
Boris Johnson vows to combat drug gangs, ignoring repeated objections from Michael Gove
January 15, 2020Michael Gove made his views clear on the direction the government was taking “Clearly a waste of police time and resources, when there’s far more pressing domestic matters! “
Five smug years of “I told you so” better than sex, claim Labour voters
December 20, 2019Jubilant Labour voter John Timms claimed rubbing in 5 years of Tory incompetence would be “Better than a coke fuelled 3 way with January Jones and Kelly Kapowski.”
Russia gives way in doping scandal – offers up Ivan Drago for a blood test
December 10, 2019The World Anti-Doping Agency has voted unanimously to ban Russia from international sport for four years for doping offences. However, it is understood Russia is hoping to overturn the ban by presenting the country’s most famous sports celebrity, Ivan Drago, as a test case for how clean their athletes are.
“Message me babes!” says concerned Putin after humiliated Trump rants “Tu muny snakes at Nato”
December 6, 2019As the White House now has more leaks than a urology surgery for pensioners, the News Dump was given exclusive access to WhatsApp correspondence between the aggrieved Trump and his shadowy puppet master Vladimir Putin.
Nation shocked at revelation Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson might lack the common touch
November 30, 2019In what’s sure to be a blow to the self-styled man of the people, a recently uncovered article penned by the Prime Minister in 1995 described the working class as “Feckless, Lazy, Criminal, Aimless and Drunk”
