Met Office issues weather warning. Snow poll results: 52% annoyed, 48% excited.

January 23, 2019

There are still many who think the wintry conditions are a wonderful excuse for a day of fun and relaxation. “It all looked a bit dicey outside so I just stayed in bed for a bit before going into the garden and building a crap snowman. Work’s just not important in the grand scheme of things,” said Prime Minister Theresa May. “That Brexit deal can wait!”

7 reasons other EU countries definitely give a shit about Brexit

January 18, 2019

The Italian government is preparing a gastronomic repatriation scheme – because of the sheer number of Italian chefs who face the prospect of losing jobs in UK restaurants and being sent home Penne-less. Germany has finally developed a national sense of humour – after two years watching the incompetence of the British administration, they now understand the meaning of the word ‘joke’.

Theresa May seeks cross-party Brexit consensus. “You should have done this two years ago!” screams Britain

Theresa May seeks cross-party Brexit consensus. “You should have done this two years ago!” screams Britain.

January 17, 2019

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has refused to join talks unless the threat of a no-deal exit is ruled out. Hang on, isn’t that just the sort of thing he should be talking to the Prime Minister about? Instead, Corbyn has chosen to lock himself in the bathroom, hoping that Theresa May starts knocking on the door saying, “Come downstairs Jeremy, I’ve made you your favourite – bland, colourless chicken with the spine removed.”

Hundreds stock up with ‘Brexit Boxes’ over food supply fears. Giving them the choice of dying one, three or six months after everyone else.

January 14, 2019

A UK company, Emergency Food Storage UK, has launched a ‘Brexit Box’ survival kit. It contains 60 portions of main meals plus 48 portions of meat, a water filter and a fire starter for heating water. Thank God somebody is finally addressing the main problem commonly associated with changes to border control – boiler failure.