‘Tories face extinction’ warns Boris – so he joins Extinction Rebellion and glues his buttocks to door of 10 Downing Street

‘Tories face extinction’ warns Boris – so he joins Extinction Rebellion and glues his buttocks to door of 10 Downing Street

June 6, 2019

Boris Johnson – the man who was too fucking useless to be Foreign Secretary but who now wants to be Prime Minister – has told a Tory leadership hustings that their party won’t be forgiven if they don’t deliver Brexit and that they face ‘potential extinction.’ He has therefore appropriated the methods and rhetoric of climate change protestors and glued himself to Number 10 until he’s bloody well made Prime Minister and allowed to implement a jolly sensible no-deal Brexit.

Lowest levels of female unemployment ever. Although we know at least one woman who's about to sign-on...

“I was driven to make the UK work not just for the privileged few” says Theresa May as she paves the way for second Etonian PM in three years

May 25, 2019

Throughout her Premiership Theresa May has apparently done her very best to create an equitable, classless society while somehow managing to preserve the status quo of a wealthy elite and disenfranchised underclass. Her strategy to create a better life for those living in poverty can kindly be described as ‘counter-intuitive’.

Sock puppet with googly eyes favourite to be next Prime Minister

Sock puppet with googly eyes favourite to be next Prime Minister

May 25, 2019

The Conservative party said the leadership contest would begin on 10 June, with MPs allowed to whittle down a large field of candidates to a shortlist by the end of that month. With Mrs May’s career now set to go on a permanent walking holiday the full list of candidates most likely to replace her is as follows:

Millennials reliant on contents of parents’ bins to avoid starvation

Millennials reliant on contents of parents’ bins to avoid starvation

May 9, 2019

Millennials are not only waiting on a lucrative inheritance to get on the property ladder but they also have to rummage through mum and dad’s kitchen bin in order to find food. “Bin juice smells bad but surely it’s all just broken down fruit and vegetables and must therefore be quite nutritious,” one millennial told us in between severe bouts of vomiting and diarrhoea. “And it’s free!