Trump’s ICE officers face difficultly sending undocumented aliens back to Vulcan

Trump’s ICE officers face difficultly sending undocumented aliens back to Vulcan

July 18, 2019

“ICE are targeting very stern men, women and vulnerable children with unfashionable haircuts and eyebrows which naturally reach a 45 degree angle. The real problem is deporting them to their home world. They will be held in detention camps until NASA comes up with a workable, cost-effective solution. We cannot guarantee that families will not be separated during the process.”

People smugglers fed up with bad press hire top PR firm to help boost their image

People smugglers fed up with bad press hire top PR firm to help boost their image

July 5, 2019

“The concept is very straightforward: we give a charming couple, and their starving children, a choice of four countries that they may be interested in escaping to. After they’ve made a choice, we put them in a top-of-the-range dinghy along with other families that would like to visit that country as well. We then carefully tow them two miles off coast; sell them some paddles and wish them luck on their exciting journey.”

Eurostar Defends alcohol limits for its drivers

Eurostar defends ‘alcohol limits for drivers’ policy

June 25, 2019

“Passenger safety is always forefront in our minds which is why drivers are only allowed to bring on board one bottle of wine or four beers and absolutely no spirits…although some exceptions have been granted for those drivers with medical conditions such as dipsomania.”

Iran Seeks refund for Russian Missile Launchers after US cyber-attack

Iran Seeks refund for Russian Missile Launchers

June 24, 2019

The US launched a cyber-attack on Iranian weapons systems on Thursday as President Trump pulled out of air strikes on the country, US reports say. An interior minister for Russia confirmed that they had received several help desk calls from Tehran.