DIY SOS host and I’m A Celebrity 2018 contestant Nick Knowles has received a six-month driving ban for speeding and using a phone at the wheel. Presiding justice Declan Donnelly also sentenced Knowles to a dinner of raw kangaroo anus. It was either that or a short spell in a tank of cockroaches, but magistrates advised that the cockroaches were already overworked and the kangaroo arse goes out of date soon.
Following the announcement that most over-75s will no longer get free TV licences, the government has said the BBC must ‘do more to support older people’. In response, the BBC has promised to produce its own version of popular ITV reality show, Love Island. In the BBC edition, all the contestants will be at least 75. BBC producers are expected to scout for hotties at WI meetings and antiques fairs.
Ofcom rules state that candidates in elections must not ‘act as news presenters, interviewers or presenters of any type of programme during the election period’. The omission of ‘stand-up comedian’ from this list means young up-and-comer Farage (55) will be given an opportunity to showcase his unique brand of humour, which he describes as ‘edgy and nihilistic, and definitely not racist’.
In the tank, staying afloat but only just – the venomous Sting May. She appears to have a cast-iron stomach, which explains how she can consume vast quantities of mouldy jam without repercussion. Unfortunately for a creature so prone to making herself look stupid, she appears unable to swallow her pride.