As the deadline fast approaches, the country despairs with still no decision on who has won the League Cup.

Sport
As the deadline fast approaches, the country despairs with still no decision on who has won the League Cup

The Premier League season is scheduled to end in June with six possible options still on the table (Arsenal; Chelsea; Liverpool; Manchester City; Manchester United; Tottenham).

The country is at breaking point as the debate continues. Some fans are frustrated that there may never be a solution to the question over which football team are the champions, with rumours that the whole process will have to be run yet again in 2020. The general public, particularly those who are partners to someone obsessed with the debate, are sick and tired of hearing about it. After 38 years, they feel that it really is time a final decision was reached so that we can all move on. ‘Surely,’ said one partner, ‘it would be totally unacceptable to be in a similar position this time next year.’

Crystal Palace will play Tottenham at the new Spurs Stadium.

Incredibly, Crystal Palace seem oblivious to the fact they can’t win the Premier League and continue to participate. Yet another match is scheduled for Wednesday night at which it’s expected fanatical fans will mass together for another demonstration of support despite irrefutable evidence that it is not the best team. ‘It’s this lack of compromise which frustrates the process,’ said the manager of Huddersfield Town, who prefers to remain anonymous.

Football fans going to the new Spurs Stadium should be aware that it is a cashless venue and has two dog toilets.

Which means your dog can spend a penny more easily than you can.

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