As Iran threatens “Huge Bounty”, Trump bans imports of chocolate and coconut

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As Iran threatens Huge Bounty, Trump bans imports of chocolate and coconut

Iranian officials have threatened US president Donald Trump with an $80m dollar bounty.

Shortly after the announcement the president said, ‘Donald J Trump is banning all imports of chocolate and coconut until we can work out what the hell is going on.’

An organiser of the funeral of General Qasem Soleimani has called on every Iranian to donate $1 to fund a bounty on Donald Trump.

It’s now the fastest growing Go Fund Me page in history with donations coming in from all over the world. The largest donation so far has come from ‘Mel’ in Washington DC.

Iran has vowed to retaliate to the death of General Qasem Soleimani, and Iraq’s parliament voted yesterday to oust US troops based in the country.

Asked about increasing tensions on the Gulf, Mr Trump said he is ‘not in the least bit worried’ and that he’s ‘confident America will bring home the Ryder Cup.’

Mr Trump said if US troops do have to withdraw, he would hit Baghdad with ‘sanctions like they’ve never seen before ever.’

And that he’ll enforce them the same way he made the Mexicans pay for his non-existent wall; by tweeting and ranting like a madman while achieving bugger all.

Mr Trump has also threatened to attack Iranian cultural sites – a move that could be a breach of international law and has received widespread condemnation.

But US Secretary of State, Mike Pompeo said the world ‘should not worry.’ He told a press conference that ‘any journalist who believes Donald Trump has even the most vague knowledge about Iranian cultural sites should hang their head in shame.’

Mr Trump returned from his holiday in Florida on Sunday night.

He went straight to a meeting with US military chiefs in which he suggested putting nuclear warheads on a Twix as it will be twice as powerful as a Bounty bar. The meeting is expected to continue for some time.

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