Experts are warning about the dangers of “fussy eating” after a 17-year-old suffered irreparable sight loss after living on a diet of chips and crisps.
This news has prompted swift action from the Minister for Bare Faced Lying, Michael Gove.
“Post Brexit, there will undoubtedly be some food shortages. Food options will be severely curtailed,” said the ex school spanner and wet lipped bullshitter, Gove, “It is anticipated that the food available within the first six to twelve months to the average citizen is likely to be limited the spuds Grandad grows on his allotment.”
When asked about food shortage contingency planning, Gove crowed, “Don’t worry about us. We’ll be okay. Boris has done a deal with the royal household and laid in ample supplies of roast swan stuffed with widgeon for the House of Commons.”
A diet of chips and crisps can lead to a sharp reduction in vitamin B12, and other important vitamins and minerals including copper, selenium and vitamin D. This can lead to near blindness.
“It’ll be just like The Day of the Triffids,” laughed Gove, “Everybody will be staggering around bumping into things.
The self-serving slimeball then added, “To be honest, I was stumped as to what to do about it. I was clueless as to what contingency planning I could put in place. Then my old pal Chris Grayling came up with the idea of handing over the NHS to Walker’s. As long as the proles had glasses good enough to keep them watching the footy and Love Island on the box while they stuffed down their crisps, everything would be okay.”
When ex-Minister responsible for doing the ‘easiest negotiation in the history of negotiations’ was asked to comment, Liam Fox struck a coquettish pose and said, “Let them eat crisps” before disappearing into his hotel bedroom with his ‘pal.’