Apple hints at lower iPhone prices as sales fall. Cost now down to merely ‘extortionate’ from previous levels of ‘WTF?!’

Apple hints at lower iPhone prices as sales fall. Cost now down to merely ‘extortionate’ from previous levels of ‘WTF'

Apple boss Tim Cook has hinted it could lower iPhone prices in some places in an attempt to boost falling sales.

This would see the price of the devices drop from their current ‘WTF?!’ levels to merely an ‘extortionate’ piece of kit.

Revenue from the iPhone, responsible for most of the firm’s profits, fell 15% in its latest financial quarter.

This is believed to be down to a number of factors, but it’s mainly because it’s too expensive for people to afford to buy one.

No-one outside of Apple and Apple shareholders is thought to be in the least bit interested in the firm’s profits, except for some millionaires residing – officially – in Jersey.

Overall the firm’s revenue has dropped 5% from a year ago to about $84.3bn.

It turns out that revenue was from selling a single iPhone XS Max.

However, that’s still a very, very, very, very, very large number.  Especially if your accounting practices mean none of it is taken away by the tax man.

The slowdown had been expected after the tech giant warned investors earlier this month that revenue would be about $84bn, lower than expected.

Because some people have little sense of perspective.

The firm had blamed the issues partly on an economic slowdown in China.

That’s China, where a number of manufacturers make technologically superior smartphones at a fraction of the price.

China are also thought to not want American equipment doing to them exactly what Huawei’s equipment is doing to America.

Chief executive Tim Cook said customers were also struggling with the firm’s high prices.

Let’s rephrase that: Chief Executive and almost-billionaire Tim Cook said customers were also struggling with the firm’s high prices.

This is thought to be mainly as a lot of them are struggling to buy food for their kids, what with Mr Trump’s personal government shutdown crusade.

Cook has also been reminded that customers can no longer be legally referred to as customers if they don’t buy anything from you.

He said a strong dollar makes its products comparatively more expensive, which had hurt sales in emerging markets.

In the past, the strong dollar has also been blamed where senior executives have failed to take accountability for inept leadership and poor decision-making.

Currently a 5.8in iPhone XS costs from $999 (£763) in the US compared with £999 in the UK and 8,699 Yuan (£989) in China.

Customers have called for it to be renamed the XSF… after the price.

Mr Cook said the tech giant had started this month to re-price its phones to shield customers from the impact of currency fluctuations.

Especially with the upcoming and inevitable no-deal Brexit currency crash coming up soon.

Cook is keen for the cost of an iPhone to remain stable in the UK, so people can choose between an overpriced piece of tech and, you know, a lump of stale bread.

5 Foolproof Ways - Advert v2 (1920 x 1280)

White Label Comedy

The News Dump is brought to you by White Label Comedy – a hive-mind of Comedy Writers and Advertising Creatives who collaborate on-demand to generate Comedy Content for Brands, TV Shows and more.

If we’ve made you laugh, and you know someone who might enjoy working with us, we’d love it if you could send them to

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.