Anti-Brexit rebel alliance growing in strength. ‘EU’s The Force’ says new mentor Darth Vader.

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Darth in Parliament

Theresa May’s political future hangs in the balance, after reports that an alliance of rebel MPs from across the parties plan to unite and seize control of the Brexit process.

She’s reportedly so worried about this rebel alliance, she’s turned to the dark side – seeking advice from the dark lord himself, Darth Vader.

Given the shambolic mess she’s made of Brexit so far, Vader’s initial suggestion was to simply destroy the entire planet – but Mrs May wasn’t convinced.

His next idea was to send her most loyal followers to build a shield generator somewhere full of strange, small, furry inhabitants – until Theresa explained that Norfolk really was too far away.

Also at this stage, she wasn’t sure she actually had any loyal followers left.

After skirmishes with Boris The Hutt, the Bow-Tie Fighter Mogg, and Obi Cor-Bin Kan Owe Me – she was well and truly alone.

Different factions with the rebel alliance will be pushing for different outcomes should they manage to seize control.

For some, the priority is tracking down a certain droid – RTQ-50 – and hitting the reset button.

In attempt to tackle the rebels head on, Mrs May has warned MPs that rejecting her deal would be a breach of trust.

May had attempted to use a Jedi mind trick on the MPs, but couldn’t find anything to lock onto.

Despite her best efforts, Mrs May’s Brexit proposals are expected to be well and truly massacred when the commons votes this week.

She doesn’t really mind, though.

‘EU’s The Force’, after all.

It’s probably for the best.

The vote is set to take place on Tuesday.

(Additional Material: David Hughes, Chris Ballard, Pete Redfern and Simon Paul Miller)
Garth ApThomas

Written By: Garth ApThomas

Garth’s writing credits include “the world’s longest running live comedy show” NewsRevue in London – where he’s been a writer in the room – BBC Radio 4 Extra’s Newsjack and the History Makers podcast.
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