Ancient relics to be returned to Southend. As soon as they find a box to fit Jacob Rees-Mogg

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Ancient relics to be returned to Southend. As soon as they find a box to fit Jacob Rees-Mogg

Ancient relics uncovered between Aldi and a pub in Southend are due to be returned to the town by the Museum of London Archaeology (MOLA),

as soon as they can find a box big enough to transport Jacob Rees-Mogg.

Workers unearthed the grave, which contained dozens of rare artefacts

including a UKIP MP, a joke from Mrs Brown’s Boys and a newspaper with no mention of Brexit.

MOLA have been in possession of the artefacts for the past 15 years while they’ve been carrying out expert analysis.

Chief Archaeologist Bob Bobson said he was delighted to have finally completed the job. He negotiated the hourly rate contract in 2003 with the then little-known Chris Grayling, and once the items are returned to Southend Mr Bobson intends to retire to a remote Pacific island which he bought recently.

The site is believed to be the oldest example of a Christian Anglo-Saxon royal burial. The remains of the timber structure, which would have measured about 13ft (4m) square and 5ft (1.5m) deep, housed 40 rare artefacts,

and, according to Nigel Farage, a large family of immigrants who were only there to abuse the NHS.

The ancient burial site has been described as the best thing to come out of Southend since the A127.

One of the objects discovered at the site was a  wooden lyre which had been broken in two and put back together again,

leading experts to suggest that it may have been part of the first ever Rolling Stones concert.

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