After two mass shootings took place within 24hrs leaving twenty nine people dead and several severely injured, God has today explained that the USA’s quota of thoughts and prayers has been fully depleted.
Twenty people were killed in a supermarket in El Paso, Texas, and nine were killed in Dayton, Ohio yesterday.
“Look, I like hearing prayers and listening to people crying out to me as much as the next deity” God told reporters this morning, “but this really has got out of hand.
“There’s an allocation of prayers assigned to each country when it is founded, and as I am eternal these go up to billions in number.
“But America has been burning through them like there’s no tomorrow, and, well, there’s none left, I’m afraid. It’s all very well praying for the injured and the families of the victims, but you’ve got to take some responsibility of yourselves for er, my sake, as it were.”
There have been over two hundred and fifty mass shootings in America so far this year.
God continued, “Just look at Australia – they had one mass shooting and they took the step of banning guns, and guess what? No more mass shootings. Now there’s a country that have still got millions of prayers they’ve not even bothered to use.
“So you’re on your own now, USA. Although having said that, I do have one lightning bolt I’m saving just for Trump if more of you pray hard enough.”