America vows to bring democracy to newly-oil-rich (and already-democratic) Guyana.

World News
America vows to bring democracy to newly-oil-rich (and already-democratic) Guyana

Guyana’s new-found oil could make it continent’s richest country.

And America has quickly promised to ‘bring democracy’ to the country. Despite that democracy already being present and correct.

“We have to save the Guyanese and the Galanese people from this cruel dictatorship” Stated Trump in a four am tweet spree “Too long Guyana has suffered, SAD! and America needs to bring it the sweet taste of freedom” despite the fact that Guyana held free and fair elections overseen by past US president Jimmy Carter in 1992

Arianna Yowlch, a spokesperson from the White House PR department, said “America has been having a bit of an image problem so we’re doing a greatest hits tour. Guyana will be part of our ‘noughties’ tour in which we liberate them we the full might of the US army under command of General Britney Spears.”

The aircraft carrier USS Dick Cheney (sponsored by Starbucks) is currently loading up for a short but eventful freedom tour. When asked about her expectations for the invasion, General Spears growled “They will feel our full mighty liberating force, they’ll love us!”

The News Dump have tried contacting the University of Doncaster’s history department for comment but the sounds of wailing broke our dictaphone

The people of Guyana have been celebrating for weeks since it was discovered that their country sits upon an enormous oil reserve

Since discovering their impending wealth, Guyanese people have been celebrating by building a wall around their border. Despite still being South America’s second poorest nation, the hypothetical wealth that they know is bubbling under their feet has caused a strange upsurge in nationalism and conservatism.

Two months ago Amir, 23, was working as a receptionist on a beachfront hotel, now he patrols the border. “This is our country and I have to keep out the undesirables. I think the Mormons are trying to take over” he stated, despite being originally from Honduras.

Another surprising trend in the Guyanese is the upsurge in vajazlling as money hungry economic migrants from essex come in search of work. Tonya, 48, originally from Canvey island came to Guyana recently in search of prosperity, despite the fact the actual prosperity hasn’t arrived yet. “A Vajazzle is a piece of art and when you’re an artist, you work with what you’ve got. I used precious stones back in Essex but we’re not at that level yet so we make do with broken glass.”

  •   
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.