Amazon uses dummy parcels to catch porch-thieves. Criminals sent to neighbour of nearest prison.

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Amazon has teamed up with police in New Jersey in an effort to stop thieves who steal parcels left outside homes.

The scheme – known as Amazon Prime Suspect – will offer a range of capture options.

Free super saver arrest will allow thieves to hide out in the woods for five working days whereas next day arrest will guarantee apprehension between the hours of eight and six.

Thieves will then be sent straight to the neighbour of the nearest prison.

The homes selected for the experiment were chosen using the city’s own crime statistics combined with mapping data of theft locations supplied by Amazon.

Amazon’s parcel tracking service is now highly sophisticated. Customers are kept informed of when an item has been dispatched, when it’s been delivered, when it’s been stolen and when it’s been sold on to feed a heroin addiction.

One box was stolen three minutes after it was “delivered”.

Police are particularly keen for Amazon to assist with the recovery of a large parcel of cash which was apparently left outside the offices of the IRS but went missing soon after.

The US Postal Service expects to deliver about 900 million packages in the run-up to Christmas.

Approximately 300 million will be mail bombs sent to prominent opponents of Donald Trump, 300 million will be mail bombs sent to prominent supporters of Donald Trump and the remaining 300 million will be fecal matter sent to the President himself.

Last year, Amazon launched a service called Amazon Key that allowed homeowners with smart locks to let couriers open their doors via an app and leave parcels inside.

The service was cancelled after several couriers used in-app purchases to gain access to safes, jewellery boxes and other supposedly secure locations.

And customers were still greeted with ‘sorry we missed you’ cards.

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