Agoraphobes holding claustrophobes to ransom with sky-high prices for their single daily dose of leaving house

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Agoraphobes holding claustrophobes to ransom with sky-high prices for their single daily dose of leaving house

The Conservative government has put measures in place to restrict everyone to ‘leave home once a day’, for exercise, essential shopping and going to a place of work, only if vital.

However, these free-market, libertarian economic principles are allowing agoraphobics to demand sky high prices from claustrophobics for their single daily occurrence of getting out the house.

The principles by which the Tories normally stand have resulted in a burgeoning black-market, where those happy to stay in the house forevermore can command whatever they want for their daily dose of ‘outside’ from both extroverts and those who feel like their walls are already closing in on them.

Agoraphobe, Barabus Valentine, said, “At current prices, I calculate that by next week, I’ll be able to afford a ludicrously oversized house!

“Which I really don’t want as it would terrify me to my very core.”

Claustrophobe and extreme Myers-Briggs extrovert, Puffball Loofahface, said, “I just bid £28,000 for a second spell outside this morning.

“I said hello to every single person I saw on my walk but they all scurried inside.

“But that’s usually what happens anyway. I think it’s my personality type.”

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