Boris Johnson’s plan for a pre-Christmas general election was shot down in the House of Commons on Monday.
This is another loss for the Prime Minister, and continues his 100% loss rate streak
But it appears this may be intentional. Jennifer Arcuri broke her silence earlier today and revealed that she DID have an affair with the Prime Minister, but the only way he was able to get an erection was through humiliating political losses.
Arcuri revealed that Boris has a pyschological form of erectile dysfunction, and he is only able to get aroused if he suffers a devastating loss in parliament.
It appears that his ridiculous plans have all been on purpose, and has been pitching incredibly stupid ideas in the hopes he will fail, in a scheme similar to ‘The Producers’.
It is believed Johnson is trying to get back together with Arcuri, and hopes to increase his sexual potency by getting the political shit kicked out of him.
Las month, Boris Johnson suffered six consecutive losses in six days.
Arcuri says that he was calling her over twenty times a day, at one point texting her that he was ‘walking around with a ‘Schwerer Gustav’ in his pants’.
He then sent a follow up text explaining that ‘Schwerer Gustav’ was a German 80-centimetre railway gun used during WW2.
He then sent a follow up picture of the cannon.
He then sent a follow up picture of his penis.
He then sent a follow up picture of Adolf Hitler viewing the cannon.
The Prime Minister has now abandoned his Brexit bill in new push for December election.
Arcuri has said this has coincided with him inviting her for a weekend getaway on Jacob Rees-Mogg 1920s steamer barge, and he hopes she will be able to meet him ‘About 10 to 15 minutes’ after his motion is shot down, the time depending on how many votes are against him.
It is believed that this is NOT a ‘submissive’ form of sexual gratification for Boris, as that would imply he is able to acknowledge the existence of a class below a ruling party.