A fatberg longer than Nelson’s Column is being released from a sewer under Sidmouth. The Royal Navy estimate it’ll be ready for border duty in eight weeks.

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A fatberg longer than Nelson’s Column is being released from a sewer under Sidmouth. The Royal Navy estimate it’ll be ready for border duty in eight weeks

At 64 metres, or four double-decker buses long, an enormous fatberg has been taking shape for months within a sewer under the streets of Sidmouth, in the proud maritime county of Devon.

Built using an advanced form of 3D printing known as flushing, the fatberg consists of discarded wet wipes, hardened fat, and the excess sugar no longer legally required to animate children.

Commissioned by the Royal Navy, this latest carbon-neutral addition to the fleet will be in full service within eight weeks – joining HMS Mersey in her efforts to deter migrants from crossing the channel.

Despite regular patrols from Royal Navy ships, at least 239 people are known to have reached the UK in small boats since November, including 12 who were found off the Kent coast last week.

A Royal Navy spokesperson added: “We need to provide a more effective sea-based deterrent other than simply rescuing migrants, and one that’s more humane that just blowing dinghies out of the water.”

“Therefore, the vessel will be named HMS Fatberg, coated in Marmite and will carry a full crew performing round-the-clock Gilbert and Sullivan comic operas.”

“If this doesn’t work, nothing will.”

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