9 reasons Corbyn won’t be the next Prime Minister – no matter how badly Mrs May does.

Popular Right Now, UK Politics

With Theresa May looking set to buckle under the Brexit pressure, you might think it was almost time for Jeremy to shine.

But there are some pretty compelling reasons why Corbyn won’t end up being the next Prime Minister.

Here are just 9 of them.

 

1 – Next is a high street fashion store and therefore doesn’t employ a Prime Minister. Duh.

2 – Corbyn can’t be Prime – his tendency to sit on the fence means he’s divisible by far more than himself and the number 1.

3 – It’s too soon (after the 3rd Marquess of Salisbury Robert Gascogne-Cecil, who was Prime Minister from 1895 to 1902), to have another Prime Minister with a beard.

4 – The kitchen team at Number 10 would never get his humous the way he likes it.

(The perfect ‘Corbyn-style’ chickpea dip is (in theory) a healthy alternative. It’s slightly gritty and goes down well with the kids, but lacks consistency and is a bastard to digest. And they really only know how to make it in Islington).

5 – It would be a logistical nightmare to get members of the public to provide all of the answers during PMQs. Mary from Manchester and Brian from Burton are having a hard enough time keeping up with the workload as it is.

6 – There’s a disappointing lack of manhole covers visible from any of the windows at No. 10.

7 – He simply won’t have the time to moonlight as PM. He’s too busy focusing on his day job, as a rising star on the UK Grime scene. His debut collab with Stormzy drops March 29th.

8 – He just really doesn’t fancy it.

9 – He still has at least a shred of humanity and compassion for the poor. And you’re not allowed to bring those with you into Downing Street.

 

(Contributors: Luke Catterson, Chris Ballard, Pete Redfern, Simon Paul Miller, Bradley Holcombe, Alexander MJ Smith)

 

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