The Duke and Duchess of Sussex say they are to step back as “senior” royals and divide their time between the UK and North America.
And in the first few hours of the announcement, Buckingham Palace was inundated with applications for the vacant positions, from hopeful applicants up and down the country.
Prince Harry and Meghan did not consult any senior royal before making the statement, it is understood.
“What a morning!” stated head of Royal HR(H) Colin Foreloc-Tuggah (54), “I came in this morning at 8:57 and was horrified to look at my inbox. I had no idea M$-Outlook could put an eight-figure number on the notification icon”
In 2018, Prince Charles paid £4.9 million to Harry, William and their partners from the Duchy.
“£4.9 million?”, a flabbergasted Colin Collinson (54), a semi-retired plumber and semi-professional beer expert, from Barton Stacey, cried, “I fancy a bit of that. I’d do it for half the price and old Charlie boy can use the spare cash to focus on his fabulous biscuit business. I love the orange, chocolate gingers by the way. I mean how hard can it be being Duke? And I’d save them a bit of money on DIY by doing up Frogmore House myself. My CV is already in, but it’s double rate if I work weekends.”
The Duke and Duchess intend “to step back as ‘senior’ members of the Royal Family, and work to become financially independent”.
“I’ve updated my LinkedIn profile”, said hopeful teachers assistant Kylie Adams-Johansson (23) of Nasty in Hertfordshire, “I’ve great experience in putting on school sports days and my friends are always saying I’m a complete princess. I’d be perfect, although I would need to work from home on Wednesdays, to look after the triplets and take my mum to the chiropodist.”
The Duke, in the past, has taken a deep personal interest in frontline conservation projects that work to protect Africa’s wildlife
“Oh I’d be perfect”, an excited Rhiannon Smith-Iraklidis (19) of Dull in Perthshire cried, “I love animals and I’ve worked at Pets At Home for six months now. I even watched seven minutes of the latest Attenborough series and I follow Grete Thunberg on Twitter. I warn you now though, I don’t do before 11 am, or Fridays which is when I take my Cockapoo, Twinkle, to the groomers.”
The Duke of Sussex is passionate about promoting the welfare of those who are serving, or who have served their country in the Armed Forces.
“I’m the ideal candidate”, proposed a self-employed painter and decorator and part-time sleeper, Charles Jones-Heinrich-Thompson-Thompson (28), “I buy a poppy every other year when the old one wears out. I’d jump at the chance, but it has to be understood, Thursday night is football night and August Ibiza month…which also rules out the first two weeks in September”
The Duke and Duchess said they made the decision “after many months of reflection and internal discussions”.
And so the selection process for their replacements begin, but how will The Palace whittle down the sixty-million applications
“Well obviously there will be strict criteria put in order to select the correct candidate”, Mr Foreloc-Tuggah clarified, “The successful candidate will have to be kind, compassionate, caring and not catholic.”