5G conspiracy theorist hasn’t had sex since introduction of 3G

Health, Lifestyle and Family
5G conspiracy theorist hasn't had sex since introduction of 3G

In the wake of several phone masts being burned down as a reaction to 5G conspiracy theorists several media outlets are being encouraged to crack down on misinformation.

However, in a disturbing revelation; conspiracy theorist John Timms claimed the unchecked growth of the communication industry was directly linked to his flat-lining sex life.

“I first started to notice it when 3G was introduced. I would talk to women and they wouldn’t have sex with me.”

“I wanted to make sure it wasn’t just me, and lo and behold, all my online conspiracy theory friends seemed to be having trouble sleeping with women.”

At this point, it is understood that Timms shushed the interviewer several times, checking under various tin foil covered pieces of furniture for bugs before continuing.

“Look, I used to be the kind of stallion that could have 5-6 orgasms on my own just in the space of one documentary about chem trails.”

“The government spy satellite watching me can confirm that.” Timms added with a conspiratorial wink.

“Since the introduction of 4G there’s hardly even a flicker down there, just last night while I’m watching an Aryan exposé on how Jews built the pyramids to force vaccinations on us… Nothing, and not through want of trying I can tell you.”

Pausing only to sip from a sterilised thermos of his own urine, Timms continued “The sheeple are convinced that Coronavirus was caused by 5G. Preposterous. 5G makes my penis not work and that’s it.”

“Does it smell of piss in here?”

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