5 things we learned at the 2019 BAFTAs

Entertainment, Art & Culture
Oscars to be without host, as Academy realises everyone in Hollywood is either evil or dead

Bohemian Rhapsody’s director, Bryan Singer was conspicuous by his absence.

BAFTA removed his name from the the film’s nominations at the award ceremony due to resurfaced allegations that he has sexually abused a number of underage boys.

He is still in contention for the Oscars, with no mention of a withdrawal of the nomination. Singer is still front runner to scoop the Oscar for ‘Best film by a serial abuser’.

Woody Allen said he is disappointed not to win, but it’s an honour just to be nominated.

Joanna Lumley’s BAFTA hosting skills were brought under the microscope with many people criticising the AB Fab actress’s lame jokes and tepid delivery.

Lumley created a Twitter account in the immediate aftermath of the car crash show so that someone can find a timely historic tweet of her saying something homophobic and give her an excuse to bow out of next year’s awards.

Kevin Hart has already politely ruled himself out hosting the 2020 BAFTAs, despite not being asked.

 

Everyone was weirdly quiet as Will and Kate, the Duke and Duchess, made their traditional entrance after all the other guests were seated.

After she took her seat, Kate turned toward William, laughed and commented on the odd hush.

This year’s awkward silence is nothing in comparison to next year’s first post-Brexit ceremony.

Will and Kate will be roasted on a spit and fed to the actor who collects the most gasoline in their Nitro-truck for the glory of the Wasteland.

The BAFTAs attracted an audience of only 3.5 million viewers on Sunday night.

The show’s TV audience has fallen by 2 million in the last six years, and the broadcast began two hours after the event started.

By the time the broadcast caught up with reality, everyone had seen the winners on Twitter and fourteen more videos of puppies had gone viral.

In lieu of Joanna Lumley, the BAFTAs have proposed to live tweet next year’s show by DM’ing the winner to come on stage and tweet a sad-face emoticon to the unsuccessful nominees.

 

Olivia Colman & The Favourite won big with seven awards, including best actress.

Colman’s earnest, stuttering and nervous victory speech as she collected her Best Actress gong has gone viral.

Colman declared herself Britain’s answer Meryl Streep, cancelled Brexit and speculation is rife that she is first in line to be the next Batman.

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