Piers Morgan. He’s a divisive figure in the media.
Some people call him a ‘shit’, some call him a ‘twat’.
Others call him a ‘shitting twat’.
But while many, many, many, many, many, many, people may look at Piers Morgan and see a toxic male ego collapsing like a shed made of farts, he is a far more noble and humane person than people would assume.
Here are 5 things that PROVE Piers Morgan isn’t actually as much of a cunt as you thought
1) He appreciates his fans.
Morgan is prolific on twitter, and will constantly acknowledge his supporters and fans. He’ll retweet around 96% of comments agreeing with him.
He’ll retweet followers like Bazza1976FC when they comment “Piers is telling it like it is”, or SharonMumof29874756 suggesting “Little Mix shud leave of left Piers alone, theyre rubbish!!!”
If he writes an article about Dora the Explorer being sexist, he’ll be sure to ‘like’ and ‘retweet’ any twitter account with a football pitch as a profile, that says he’s ‘absolutely right its bollox!’.
If you show the slightest act of sycophantic admiration for Morgan, he’ll share it with his millions of followers.
What other celebrities are so dedicated and involved with fans (who show even the slightest fraction of praise)?
2) He highlights flaws in phone security.
Morgan was in charge of the Daily Mirror during the notorious ‘phone hacking scandal’, where journalists used legally dubious messages to access the voicemails of various celebrities.
While this might make Morgan look like the worst kind of slimeball-just an oozing pustule of a human being-think of all the security measures that have come from this!
Morgan knowingly letting his staff hack into phones might seem like the actions of an absolute fetid worm man, but he was in fact raising visibility on how easy it is to access sensitive data. Think of all the security flaws that have come to light from his actions.
Morgan was not acting like a dissolute heap of smegma, but was raising awareness on how we need to take better measures to protect our privacy.
3) He once said ‘thank you’ to a guest on his show.
When Child Welfare activist Shauna Loffin was a guest on the show, Morgan screamed in her face that children are ‘selfish’ and ‘arrogant’ and need to fend for themselves.
Loffin was unable to get a word in edgewise as Morgan interrupted her, while demanding she agree with his point that starving children need to just ‘stop being fussy’.
Driven to the point of tears, and visibly shaking, Loffin painfully whispered “I guess so”.
Morgan responded “That wasn’t so hard, thank you.”
How’s that for politeness? He thanked her. This woman had differing opinions to him, but Morgan still had the decency and class to acknowledge her remarks and show appreciation for her shutting up and agreeing with him.
4) He stopped the country hating vegans.
Earlier this year, Morgan launched a tirade against Greggs introducing Vegan sausage rolls.
Some saw this as the petty, ignorant act of a man so insecure he would froth at the mouth at such a trivial, inconsequential addition to a bakery menu. He reacted with all the anger and focused rage of a man confronting the death squad who slaughtered his family.
People mocked Piers. They insulted him. They tore into what they perceived was a man with skin as thin as a sub atomic quark.
Know who they didn’t mock?
That’s right. Piers Morgan bravely stepped up and took the heat away from Vegans, a group regularly derided and laughed at. But for those few days, people defended them, as Piers had unified the public in their rage, he had given them a symbol; like Batman, if he was a cunt.
Piers made us realise that there are far worse people out there than vegans to mock, showing us how silly we were to insult them in the first place.
We’re not vegans here, but we’re sure they won’t mind if we say on behalf of vegans everywhere, thank you Piers.
5) He doesn’t let the ‘haters’ get to him.
Every day Piers gets thousands of comments on twitter.
Comments such as “Piers you grotesque severed cock of a man’, ‘Eat a shotgun salad’, and ‘You blithering fucking idiot playing at being a human’.
Could Piers respond to these comments?
Yes he could. He absolutely could. With the amount of time he’s online he could definitely respond to thousands of these remarks.
But he doesn’t, he shows how pathetic and pointless they are, by letting them just sit in the void without a response, garnering nothing but hundreds of likes and retweets.
But Piers doesn’t just take attacks lying down.
He’ll get called out by other celebrities mocking his rage at the next ‘007 being a woman’ or ‘Kids don’t want to die of climate change’.
And while these call outs will get thousands more likes than Piers’ initial remarks, he’ll stand his ground and fight back. He doesn’t care if his response will be called ‘ill informed’, ‘full of shit’ or a ‘tacky ad hominem attack about physical appearance’, Piers will let the haters know exactly where they stand!