48 ‘no confidence’ letters: PM to face leadership challenge. Insider reveals May wrote 12 of them herself.

Politics

Prime Minister Theresa May will face a vote of confidence in her leadership later on Wednesday.

Chair of the 1922 Committee Sir Graham Brady said, “I have now received the magic number of letters calling for a vote. My only surprise is that it took this party of backstabbing bastards so long to get their act together.”

The challenge to Mrs May’s position comes after the required 48 letters calling for a contest were delivered.

A handwriting analysis of all the letters suggests that Theresa wrote at least a dozen of them herself.

‘The Prime Minister is very, very tired,’ read one. ‘The bags under her eyes are so heavy it’s actually quite difficult for her to look up at people and lie about how good her Brexit deal is. It’s probably best if she was put out of her misery.’

Another said, ‘Mrs May wakes up every morning to face the crushing disappointment of not having died in the night. I enclose £5,000 cash. Use the usual guy. Just get it done.’

The latest letter to be received simply said, ‘No more Brexit’ and was written in blood on tear-stained Downing Street stationery.

Sir Graham said he had told the prime minister on Tuesday evening that she would face a confidence vote. She had been “businesslike” and “was very keen that matters be resolved as quickly as was reasonably possible”, added Sir Graham.

“Strictly speaking, letters of no-confidence in oneself should not count towards the target of forty eight,” said Sir Brady.

“But I have so much respect for Theresa I’ve bent the rules just this once.”

Chris Ballard

Written By: Chris Ballard

Chris has literally months of experience as a comedy writer. He has had sketch and oneliner credits on BBC’s Newsjack, is a certified writer on Comedywire and has written over 100 articles for various satire sites. He lives in Kent where he is cared for by his wife and two children. One day his wife will laugh at something he has written.
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