The Conservative 1922 Committee met on Wednesday to discuss the future of Theresa May as pressure grows on the PM to stand down.
After much discussion committee chair, Graham Brady announced plans to feed Mrs May huge amounts of prunes and, if necessary, to force feed her as ‘something has to make her go.’
Mrs May was elected as party leader in 2016 after serving as Home Secretary for 6 years.
In stark contrast to her time in the Home Office where she was prone to bouts of verbal diarrhoea, her time at number 10 has been plagued by an inability to properly digest things such as fibre and opinion polls.
The Prime Minister has undergone extensive tests which have revealed she is indeed full of shit. Doctors have told her she’s suffering with IDS and blamed her inability to force anything through on an ‘obstructive arsehole’. It’s not yet clear which MP they’re referring to.
Private footage from the surgery showed Mrs May bent over the desk with the doctor’s hand up her rectum – a position which she referred to as ‘negotiating’.
She assured the doctor she really did want the poo to leave but despite her best efforts it’s still half in-half out and just leaving a messy trail behind her wherever she goes.
Sir Graham Brady will meet the Prime Minister again on Friday.
Sir Graham is yet to decide whether to issue an ultimatum or an enema, but it’s widely believed that Mrs May’s discomfort will turn to relief in the coming days.
Mrs May’s departure will spark a leadership election, with Boris Johnson the current bookies favourite to succeed her.
Many Tories have expressed concerns over the possible appointment as he has a similar problem to the Theresa May, although for Boris it’s his own head that’s stuck up there.