14 ‘special’ things about the ‘special place in hell’ reserved for Brexiteers with no Brexit plan.

Popular Right Now, UK Politics

Yesterday, European Council President Donald Tusk spoke of a “special place in hell” for “those who promoted Brexit without even a sketch of a plan of how to carry it out safely”.

A story we’ve already covered extensively! Jacob Rees-Mogg asked if he could bring Nanny, while the Met Office was forced to apologise for failing to predict the number of snowflakes who’d be outraged by his comments.

But many of us have started to wonder what that ‘special place’ in Hell would actually be like.

Here’s 14 things that Mogg, Johnson, Farage and co can all expect from their new home – that ‘special place’ in Hell.

1 – There’s only public transport. They’ll all be arriving on a big bus with ‘Don’t you wish you *had* given £350m to the NHS now? ‘ written on the side.

2 – ‘All your deepest desires are be available to you 24/7 – nubile virgins, the finest wines, and unlimited creme eggs’ is written on the side of all the others.

3 – Upon arrival, everyone gets issued with a fireproof blue passport.

4 – The first Brexiteers to arrive have already done a deal with the devil, and taken back control – so all newcomers will get a chance to sit in the hot seat, briefly taking the reins as leader until they do something moral – at which point they’ll swiftly be replaced.

5 – The deal with the devil doesn’t include an Irish backstop (even he couldn’t solve that one). Just unbearable torture and pain for all eternity.

6 – They’ll continue to have access to their offshore bank accounts. Unfortunately their money will be useless – as payment is only accepted in Euros.

7 – It’s not all bad news, though. Hell is virus free – thanks to the excellent firewall.

8 – And sure, it’s hot – but that’ll save them money on their heating bills.

9 – Also, if we don’t get Global Warming under control it’ll soon be cooler than Earth anyway.

10 – And when Theresa May finally arrives, they can just get her to crack a smile – that should bring the temperature down to a bearable level.

11 – The Brexiteers will need to bring factor 1000 sunscreen – got to make sure they don’t get too tanned, or they might start mistrusting each other.

12 – While some might struggle, the Tories will fit in just fine. They’ve already had years of bowing down to Rupert Murdoch.

13 – Chins up Boris – it’ll be a lot warmer than the marital bed.

14 – And everyone’s super friendly. Fred West tucks you in at night. Every night.

(Contributors: Simon Paul Miller, Tom Grattidge, Lee Thomas, Chris Ballard, Pete Redfern, David Hughes, Brad Holcombe and Dan Sweryt)
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