A 12 year old from Wuhan has apologised and said he ‘never meant for this to happen’ and just wanted a day off school as he hadn’t done his history homework.
The boy, who has asked to remain anonymous as he quite likes his face the way it is, said he was forced to ‘find a mystery illness’ after his mum got wise to his usual tricks of dipping a thermometer in warm water, shoving pepper up his nose or spending 20 minutes scrolling through his phone on the loo and then letting off a stink bomb. He blamed the global shutdown on Alexa who he said responded to the question ‘how do I find an illness my mum won’t know about?’ quicker than the virus itself spread across the globe.
Schools across the world have now been closed and many countries have banned sporting events and mass gatherings.
Asked why he had been so desperate to get a day off, the boy said that, after 27 games of Fortnite in one evening, he suddenly realised that he was supposed to have completed a history project and that his teacher for that lesson is ‘a bit of arse’ who employs such draconian disciplinary measures as ‘clapping out a rhythm, saying ‘Uh……kyou’ if anyone talks and asking kids if they’d behave like that at home.
He said that he initially set out to get the project done but unfortunately, on that occasion Alexa answered everything with ‘I’m sorry, I don’t know the answer to that. Please ask another question’ and having exhausted every research method he knows he was left with no option to fake an illness.
All went well until he told his mates that you could avoid school by claiming to have a highly contagious disease which doctors know exists but literally nobody knows anything about. There followed ‘a spike’ in cases, first of all in his school and then at workplaces across Wuhan, which was when he realised he might have done something ‘a bit silly.’
After coming clean to his teachers, they alerted Chinese authorities and told the boy to sit in the corridor and write ‘I will not send the world into lockdown and cause the global economy to crash’ 100 times for every reported case of Covid-19.