Last week M&S broke the internet with their release of the Valentines Day ‘Love Sausage’. Consumers were simultaneously aroused and disgusted at this shameless – yet delicious – attempt to cash in on the Valentines Day pound.
And they’re not the only ones.
With V-Day just days away, here’s our list of 9 brands and their even more ridiculous Valentines Day products.
1 – For the singles out there, the Greggs ‘Broken Heart’ sausage roll. Literally made out of broken up pig hearts. So just a regular sausage roll in a heart-shaped box then…
2 – For the kinkier couples, the Kinky Kit Kat – has an extra finger round the back.
3- Looking to set the mood for a perfect night in? Does your girl love Irish accents? Forget P.S. I Love You, she’ll be ‘taken’ with this Liam Neeson boxed set. Cosh not included.
4 – Or if she’s looking for more of an intellectual thrill, how about ‘Love Sonnets for Sexual Potency’ by acclaimed wordsmith and prolific procreator, Jacob Rees-Mogg.
5 – Looking for a cheap getaway? For only £100 extra Ryanair will actually let you sit next to your partner rather than a total stranger.
6 – Keeping things local? Couples travel on GWR for free! (STD class only)
7 – Does your man struggle to perform? Bayliss and Hard-on Soap could be just the fix he needs!
8 – Durex have launched their new Brexit range – because pulling out just gets messy.
9 – Meanwhile Dulux have issued their yearly warning to new, naive, young lovers not to mistake the two brands. Although if unplanned pregnancy does occur, they’re also offering discount on their range of baby room pinks and blues.
10 – On V-Day itself, The Irish Catholic Newspaper will contain a a special pull-out section on the rhythm method but, disappointingly, only in the early edition.
11 – Had enough of your partner’s incessant whining? Well, what better day to end things. Tell ’em it’s over with a Breakaway