Unless the PM finds yet another way to delay the inevitable, today’s the day that MPs will finally get to vote on her controversial Brexit deal.
She postponed last time because she knew she’d lose. This time, she claims to be more confident.
Which means she must’ve finally found a way to keep those naughty little scamps in line. And we’ve managed to obtain a leaked document detailing her strategy.
10 things to say to naughty, disobedient MPs to bring them back into line.
- “Vote for the deal, or your hair won’t go curly.”
- “If you don’t vote for it, you’ll go blind…”
- “If you keep picking at those terms, your majorities will cave in”
- “I’ll force you to go and sit with the Lib Dems”.
- “I’ll take your Babestation away…”
- “I’ll stop your second home allowance”
- “No hookers or cocaine for a month!” (Andrea Leadsom immediately supported the PM at this point. It’s always the quiet ones…)
- “Go to your constituency, and don’t come back until you’re ready to say you’re sorry!”
- “Just you wait until the chief whip gets home…”
- “Right – that’s it – we’re leaving the EU without you!!”