After three years of failed Brexit negotiations saw the end of Theresa May’s term as Prime Minister, many Tory members feared they had exhausted all possibilities on the major issuing facing the UK today.
Until Tory HQ nanny, Babs Bobson discovered ten pristine Brexit plans down the back of the sofa.
‘I couldn’t believe it,’ said Babs, ‘I’d just finished breastfeeding Jacob Rees-Mogg and was about to burp him when I saw Michael Gove and Boris Johnson fighting over what had been Theresa May’s favourite seat. I told them it was disgraceful behaviour what with her arse groove still stubbornly remaining in place, and said they’d have to queue up nicely like all the others and wait their turn – apart from Rory Stewart. He was told to stand outside the room and just look at the seat through a window. Well I went to straighten up the cushions and there they were – 10 perfectly credible plans for a successful Brexit just lying there amongst the fluff, crayons and a handful of loose change.’
All ten Tory leadership hopefuls have now formally announced their campaigns and laid out their plans for Brexit, and how to unite the party.
‘I remember thinking,’ continued Babs, ‘what a real shame it was that none of them had been around when Theresa May was travelling back and forth to Brussels more than Easyjet. She could have really done with a plan that can’t fail and is guaranteed to make the UK better off. And to think they were there all along.’
Boris Johnson is at the head of the queue to replace Mrs May.
With Michael Gove close behind him – and in possession of a freshly sharpened knife.