'I'm not a bully. I'm just an arsehole' insists Priti

Priti Patel keeps Coronavirus at bay by taking it’s dinner money and then giving it a wedgie

March 28, 2020

Health secretary Matt Hancock has tested positive for coronavirus. However, fears that other members of the cabinet may fall victim to the pandemic have been eased by Home Secretary Priti Patel bullying the virus as she took it's dinner money, before giving it a wedgie.

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Agoraphobes holding claustrophobes to ransom with sky-high prices for their single daily dose of leaving house

Agoraphobes holding claustrophobes to ransom with sky-high prices for their single daily dose of leaving house

March 26, 2020

The Conservative government has put measures in place to restrict everyone to 'leave home once a day', for exercise, essential shopping and going to a place of work, only if vital. However, these free-market, libertarian economic principles are allowing agoraphobics to demand sky high prices from claustrophobics for their single daily occurrence of getting out the house.

Mike Ashley- Sports Direct's House of Fraser Purchase was a mistake, and I'm an enormous mug

Newcastle United fans astounded by Mike Ashley’s compassion and understanding

March 25, 2020

Fans of Premier League club Newcastle United have said that they are ‘absolutely flabbergasted’ at the level of understanding that Mike Ashley has shown towards his employees.

Have Money, and Don't Be Poor say celebs, offering isolation advice

“Have Money, and Don’t Be Poor” say celebs, offering isolation advice

March 25, 2020

Struggling to get your head around coronavirus? Stuck in isolation? Worried about lockdown? This is your all inclusive guide to self isolation, social distancing and surviving Covid-19 from the people...

Nurse's son adamant his mum's just a stripper - honest!

Method acting gone too far, as Casualty and Holby City come to aid of NHS

March 25, 2020

It has been announced that Casualty and Holby City will donate equipment from their sets to the NHS to help out during the Coronavirus crisis. Nobody has yet questioned if...

Teachers opening last-minute ‘End Of Year’ presents to find dog biscuits and own-brand cheese sauce granules

Teachers opening last-minute ‘End Of Year’ presents to find dog biscuits and own-brand cheese sauce granules.

March 22, 2020

England’s schools closed yesterday after directives from the government to protect from the coronavirus. Teachers were presented with last-minute gifts; in many cases, the only things parents could get hold of in stores with completely empty shelves