'I'm not a bully. I'm just an arsehole' insists Priti

Priti Patel congratulates Boris on birth of his ‘seventeentytooth child’

April 30, 2020

Prime Minister Boris Johnson and his fiancee Carrie Symonds have announced the birth of a son. And the first senior Tory to public congratulate them was Priti Patel. The Wicked Witch of the Home Office extended said the birth of ‘his seventeentytooth child’ must be a proud moment for the PM.

'I'm not a bully. I'm just an arsehole' insists Priti

Priti Patel congratulates Boris on birth of his ‘seventeentytooth child’

April 30, 2020

Prime Minister Boris Johnson and his fiancee Carrie Symonds have announced the birth of a son. And the first senior Tory to public congratulate them was Priti Patel. The Wicked Witch of the Home Office extended said the birth of ‘his seventeentytooth child’ must be a proud moment for the PM.

Scottish govt suggests covering face in public. With a massive ginger beard

Scottish govt suggests covering face in public. With a massive ginger beard.

April 29, 2020

Nicola Sturgeon said there may be 'some benefit' in having your face covered in places where social distancing is difficult. And the First Minister recommended a 'massive ginger beard' that's as thick and impenetrable as the enchanted forest that grew up around Sleeping Beauty's castle.

'I'm not a bully. I'm just an arsehole' insists Priti

Priti Patel congratulates Boris on birth of his ‘seventeentytooth child’

April 30, 2020

Prime Minister Boris Johnson and his fiancee Carrie Symonds have announced the birth of a son. And the first senior Tory to public congratulate them was Priti Patel. The Wicked Witch of the Home Office extended said the birth of ‘his seventeentytooth child’ must be a proud moment for the PM.

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Aliens ready to take over the World if lockdown continues

Aliens ready to take over the World if lockdown continues

April 29, 2020

If we aren't going to use the Earth they feel that it's their turn. They are more alike to squatters than murderers with anal probes. In fact the alien made it very clear he would keep his distance from our anuses.

Trump determined to buy a keepsake from his trip to Britain - the NHS

Trump suggests all problems will go away by injecting heroin directly into body

April 25, 2020

Donald Trump suggested everyone use disinfectant to rid themselves of coronavirus. The self-styled ‘President’ has also suggested that all humanity’s problems will go away if they simply inject heroin directly into the body.

Popular song discovered that hasn’t yet been turned into a f*cking Coronavirus anthem

Popular song discovered that hasn’t yet been turned into a f*cking Coronavirus anthem

April 16, 2020

Unconfirmed reports from the music industry this morning suggest that a song may have been discovered which has yet to be ruined by attention seeking arseholes.

Blue Peter to show NHS staff how to make ventilators out of washing-up bottles and sticky back plastic

Blue Peter to show NHS staff how to make ventilators out of washing-up bottles and sticky back plastic

April 4, 2020

To help frontline NHS staff in their battle against the coronavirus presenter from the 1970s Lesley Judd will present a series of online tutorials showing staff how to make protective...

Theresa May attends careers seminar for world’s elite executives – to serve them drinks and canapes

Government donates Theresa May for use in coronavirus vaccine experiments

April 21, 2020

Former prime minister Theresa May has been handed over to scientific research as part of the battle to defeat Covid-19. The selfless gesture was made by the Conservative Party as it desperately tries to actually achieve something useful in the fight against the global pandemic.