Britain First to patrol British beaches with Dettol to stop foreign Coronavirus invading the country.

January 25, 2020

Health Secretary Matt Hancock has said that the risk of the Chinese Coronavirus entering the UK 'remains low'. Fascist political organisation Britain First have ignored these reports, and said they are not taking any chances with a 'foreign' virus entering the country. Members of the party have been patrolling the coastlines of the country, armed with dettol wipes, spray bottles of cif, and water pistols full of Cillit bang.

UK tells Boris 'ditch the KY and give it to us bare back'

Boris revealed as unlikely champion of the super-rich in plan to shaft poorest councils out of £300 million

January 27, 2020

A reallocation of council funding could redirect hundreds of millions of pounds from so-called left-behind communities in the north of England to the leafy southern shires

DWP deems British Parliament 'unfit to work'

Sir David Attenborough says Parliament is ‘basically usesless’

January 27, 2020

Sir David Attenborough has said Parliament is ‘basically useless’. He told the first Citizens’ Assembly that having a five-year fixed parliament is not good for long term planning to save the planet.

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Matt Hancock scrapped after NHS snipers hit target

Everyone stands down after compulsive bullshitter Matt Hancock says there’s ‘increased likelihood’ the coronavirus will get to UK

January 25, 2020

Health Secretary Matt Hancock says there is an ‘increased likelihood’ of the virus reaching the UK. Everyone who’s been worried about the coronavirus is much more relaxed after the idiot’s idiot made the comment, as he’s never said anything correct in his life.

'No offence taken,' says Trump as he orders nuclear strikes against UK, Canada and France

Trump rolls back water pollution controls after accidentally shitting in a river

January 24, 2020

The Trump administration is set to scrap pollution protections for America's streams and wetlands, after the president accidentally shat in a river.

Brad and Jen reunion first sign Remainers time machine is working

Brad and Jen reunion first sign Remainers time machine is working

January 22, 2020

Brad Pitt and Jennifer Anniston were briefly reunited at the SAG awards this week. This caused celebrations among older millennials who stopped believing in love and happiness after the couple...

Unemployment figures rise again as London Firm announce two more job losses

Unemployment figures rise again as London Firm announce two more job losses.

January 20, 2020

No worries though for Diamond Geezer Harry Boy he’s already pimp..er touting his wife to Disney for voice overs of reboots of The Non-Aristocats..The Prince and The Pauper, plus the one all...

US Space Force parades in Virginia

US Space Force parades in Virginia

January 22, 2020

Thousands of camouflaged gun owners have gathered in Richmond, Virginia in a show of armed strength. The heavily-armed, camo-clad members of gun-rights and militia groups have been federalised by President Trump to form earth's first non-terrestrial terrestrial military unit: Space Force.