Tony Blair calls on May to ‘switch course’ on Brexit. “Make ME the frictionless Irish border”, says Teflon Tony.

December 15, 2018

“It’s not about me” explained Tony in an interview, as he selflessly offered to heal the wound that is Brexit. “The good people of Ireland and the UK know I can deliver. Look at the Good Friday Agreement, it wasn’t named the Bad Friday Agreement, was it? I can be any kind of border that’s needed: hard, soft, frictionless, transparent, hard again.”

May insulted and offended by Blair’s second referendum calls. Boris now gutted he didn’t get in there first.

December 16, 2018

When Theresa May was asked if her comments about Tony Blair were an attempt to distract the public from how badly Brexit was going, she replied, "Oh look, a squirrel!"

Tony Blair calls on May to ‘switch course’ on Brexit. “Make ME the frictionless Irish border”, says Teflon Tony.

December 15, 2018

“It’s not about me” explained Tony in an interview, as he selflessly offered to heal the wound that is Brexit. “The good people of Ireland and the UK know I can deliver. Look at the Good Friday Agreement, it wasn’t named the Bad Friday Agreement, was it? I can be any kind of border that’s needed: hard, soft, frictionless, transparent, hard again.”

(Sorry about the Ads – but them being here helps us keep the lights on. Feel free to click if anything takes your fancy. Then we might be able to turn the heating on too!)

Parker Solar Probe’s final destination “only” 3.8 million miles from sun’s surface. Tickets now available from the Ryanair website.

December 14, 2018

On the very same day that the 40 year old Voyager 2 probe reached interstellar space, the 6 month old Parker Solar Probe went the other way - making its first close approach towards our sun. Enduring temperatures greater than a million degrees Fahrenheit while being bombarded with intense sun light. The craft was able to withstand the unbearable temperatures by simply winding down a window.

Following Daily Mirror accusations of too many repeats over Xmas, BBC resends response to last year’s article

December 8, 2018

The Daily Mirror have published a story claiming that 59% of the programmes on the BBC’s two main channels over Christmas have aired before. In return, the BBC have sent...

£40 Odeon tickets will ensure all films can finally pass the Bechdel Test.

December 8, 2018

The most expensive seats will make Adam Sandler comedies funny, give all films strong female leads and ensure that Nicholas cage is never on screen. Hyper-immersive visuals will be complimented by...

Climate change won’t make us stupider – says man who is already quite thick.

December 10, 2018

Rising levels of carbon dioxide could cause a decline in the brainpower of workers around the world according to new research by academics at University College London. This comprehensive study has been roundly dismissed by a man, Terry Sand, who reckons ‘it’s probably fine’ and ‘nothing to worry about.’ Terry has...

Bleedin’ foreign sharks, comin’ over ‘ere, eatin’ our jobs…

July 17, 2018

According to National Geographic, rising temperatures mean more and more non-native sharks are heading to the UK. This is why we need Brexit. These foreign sharks, coming to our waters, eating our fish, changing the whole culture of the sea. Go back to where you came from sharks.

Support Independent Comedy – visit The News Dump Store!

previous arrow
next arrow
ArrowArrow
Shadow
Slider